Today is my last day of work before the holidays. WHEE!

Currently, I feel like someone has stomped on my head, kicked me in the gut, and sliced my brains open. I'm weaning myself off the anti-depressant Lexapro and it's kicking me in the ass. Mike just keeps quoting this episode of Friends where Chandler tells Rachel (who has tried smoking), "You've got to keep going because it's about to get sooooo gooood." I've found that taking a large handful of Tylenol can help me through for about two hours. Yikes.

I'm heading to Rochester with Madison tomorrow to celebrate Christmas, while Mike heads for Duluth. We visited his mom on Friday night at the hospital (just a quick trip up and back in the same night) and she looked pretty good. She will hopefully be heading for a nursing home to recoup in a few weeks. I'm sure the driving to Duluth from Babbitt daily is getting to be a tough one for Mike's dad. It's an 1 1/2 hour drive one way.

Madison has discovered that she likes to play fetch, A LOT! We bought her a tennis ball that she loves to ran after. I tried to get her to play fetch with the neighbor dog, but she was more interested in just chasing the dogs, not the ball. Yesterday she chewed a hole in a small football we have. Then she carried it around the house with her snout stuck inside. It was hilarious. She is quite the goofy dog.

Big news I read online yesterday was that Lisa Marie has decided to sell Elvis' estate. She will retain Graceland and her father's personal effects, but has decided to sell the bulk of Elvis Presley Enterprises to a company that can continue to market and expand her father's image and legacy into much more and continue to introduce him to new generations. While I understand the rationale behind this, I still think it's crap. I wouldn't give it up. I think she's getting something like 35 million for it, and they have about 13 million in debt that will be paid. But that estate makes over 40 million a year and I just can't see what you'd want to get rid of it. Yet, I suppose that Graceland will make up a lot of that too. It is the 2nd most visited private residence in America after the White House. Anyway, interesting argument.

We had a discussion at work yesterday on what is your best and worst holiday. It was a good question because it makes you stop and think and all holidays, not just Christmas. I decided that the worst Christmas was when Dad and Mom decided to separate 2 weeks before the holiday. Let's just say that it wasn't much fun that year! However I do remember specifically that I received my first Walkman that year. It did not have a radio, and it only had the Fast Forward, no rewind on it. Lasted me quite awhile.

My best Christmas was when I was about 5. Driving to Linda and Sig's house in Kasson, Pat pointed outside in the sky to me and said, "LOOK! It's Santa!" And sure enough, there he was in the sky with his lights flickering. Later, Santa showed up at their house too! It was great. I received a Dukes of Hazzard sleeping bag that lasted until we threw it away just last year.

A close second was the year that Dad got our dog Wimpy for us. They put a little bow on his head, and I had to close my eyes while they put him on my lap. He licked me in the face right away and I just loved him. He was so cute.

Happy Holidays!

I got an MP3 player. It's cool. I love my husband.

'Nuff said.

"Oh the weather outside is frightful"...NOT!

It hasn't even snowed since Thanksgiving and just yesterday the temps finally went low enough to warrant a hat and scarf. This morning it was 7 degrees. I just want some snow so it feels like Christmas. I really don't want a bare holiday!

Mike & I both had Friday off last week, so we had a nice long weekend. We actually didn't do much, but it was just awesome to be at home and hang out. I finished my Christmas shopping and did up all the wrapping, as well as getting the Christmas box off to Pat. Now, baking commences. I managed to get caramels made, caramel bars, Kringla, and chocolate balls created. Caramels are awesome!

Friday night we went out to dinner at the new Green Mill in Hastings and then went to see Ocean's Twelve. Not a bad movie, but I didn't like as much as the first one. I thought that the first one with a setting in Vegas was perfect. However, there were a ton of great one liners which made for a funny movie as always.

We did see some good trailers for upcoming movies. There is a Vin Diesel movie coming out that is sort of a cross between Daddy Day Care and Kindergarden Cop. Looks cute. I still need to see the Polar Express and Ray. Mike would like to see National Treasure, which I think I would like to see as well.

I think we're going to go to Duluth on Friday to visit Kathy in the hospital. I haven't been up there yet, and since I won't be going for Christmas anymore, I'd like to see her after her surgery. I sincerely hope things start going better for her. It sucks that she will have to be in a nursing home for the holidays.

I also have to pass along a web site that made me laugh so hard I cried. It's gross and juvenile, but that's why I like it. It's called the Poop Report. I managed to find it doing some searches on the death of Elvis. (I was bored.) This, of course, led to stories about how he died on 'the throne'. What made me laugh was the comment that someone posted in August 2004:

Anyone catch the Watkins Glen race yesterday? Tony Stewart had stomach cramps the whole race. After he won he spent a half hour in his trailer before he went to the winner's circle. The commentator said he had to change his suit. I wonder how many laps he had to sit in his ass puddle.

OH. MY. GOD. What could you do if you had to go during a race? What choices do you have? My guess is that you have none. You crap your pants and hope for the best. In Tony's case, he won the race. :)

I must also point out that Pat and I have determined that we get this aversion to potty humor from our Uncle Mike who taught us that farts are funny. It's just a fact of life.

If anyone needs any last minute ideas for the loved one in your life, I suggest that you purchase this lovely book called: Turd Ferguson & The Sausage Party

Another quick note...

I found out yesterday that a classmate of mine from high school passed away from Leukemia. Not sure how to feel. It's one of those things where you haven't seen this person in a long time, but during school, you were pretty good friends. It's bothering me.

I also dated Brandon on and off through h.s. and college. The last time I saw him was in 1994. He was on a road of drugs and alcohol and I wasn't interested in even keeping the friendship going anymore based on what I was seeing. But it was wierd-I always wondered what happened to him. I had crappy thoughts about him-he hurt me pretty bad in the romance department. Yet-now-you just feel really bad for having those thoughts.

I first knew him at St. Francis during CCD classes. We were good friends back then, always goofing around and trying to get through those darn classes. Later, in JH and HS, we hung around in the same crowds. But, you know the way things go after you graduate-everyone goes their own direction.

I guess it's bothering me cuz it's someone my own age. Our own mortality seems so far away-yet it can happen at any time. I've only lost 2 other people near my age-Mary when we were 16, my friend Syrentha to breast cancer when she was 31, just three years older then me at the time.

Anyway, just having those thoughts. So, I watched It's a Wonderful Life last night to make myself feel better. I can never watch that movie without getting goose bumps at the end when his brother Harry says, "To my brother George Bailey: the richest man in town."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends." So, thanks to all of you, my family and friends. For without you, I would be nothing.

"I'll see you tomorrow night."

Those words spoken by Tom Brokaw each night will be missed. I like Brian Williams, but it's going to take some getting used to not having Tom around on a regular basis anymore. I'm glad he stuck around through the election, because that is where I will miss him most.

I have to admit, I am a news junkie. It's what I wanted to do for a living for a long time. I studied anchors and reporters alike and took away certain styles and ideas to use as my own. Nationally, it was Tom Brokaw and Connie Chung that really finalized my decision to go into Broadcasting in college. Locally, it was people like Paul Majors, Don Shelby and Pat Miles (even Ernie Hain from KTTC's farm report in Rochester during the 80's) were all big influences.

When I ran into Ernie during my summer job at the Mayo Clinic in 1995, I couldn't believe my luck. The first words out of my mouth when I was introduced to him were: "ERNIE HAIN! I used to watch you on the farm report when I was in kindergarden!" (I'm sure he just loved that one!)

I worked with him over a 3 month span and learned a ton from him. He always told me that he believed that Tom Brokaw epitomized what an anchor should sound like. And, Brokaw's style of reporting was also to be commended. On the flip side, Ernie voiced this question: "I always wondered who the hell Barbara Walters slept with to become an anchor on television?"

In the last few weeks it has been of great interest to me to see how Brokaw has evolved. He admits that he is a political junkie and you can truly tell that when reporting on that stuff, he is at his happiest. But, he does so well with softer stories too. Just a few weeks ago I caught the tail end of a story that just overwhelmed me. It was a soldier in Iraq who had been killed on the day his first child was born into this world. You could truly tell that Brokaw was just as deeply affected by the event as I was. That's getting in touch with your audience.

And perhaps we'll never have as great of an anchor as Uncle Walter-Walter Cronkite. But, to me, Brokaw comes darn close.

I didn't expect him to get emotional at the end-but on that last day on the Today show, his emotions finally did catch up to him and he was hard pressed to speak without breaking down. Hat's off to you Tom. You're one of the best.

Okay, if this isn't scary, I don't know what is. Apparently, this is how Elvis would look now. He would be (or is) 70 in January. YIKES! I hope he would have looked better then this!

Trying to take a Christmas picture with a dog, a digital camera, and a timer!

The holidays are officially upon us! We had a really great Thanksgiving. Nothing major, just time at home with family. I missed out on the Webb's celebration, but was able to hook up with my dad later on in the evening. Dad and I did some jamming on the guitar, as I had some questions about how to play a few Johnny Cash songs. I wish I had someone to jam with on a regular basis-I really enjoyed singing and playing with him again.

Otherwise, we hung out at home mostly. Mike braved the crowds on Friday morning by arriving at Besty Buy before 6am. He said he'll never do that again. He ran into my cousin Sara and my aunt Steph too. They are all brave souls.

I do not shop on Friday morning after Thanksgiving. As a matter of fact, I try not to go to stores during the holidays at peak hours. I am not a good crowd person and find myself getting irritable and angry. Not a good thing at all. Thank god for the Internet. (or Internets as we've been calling it lately, as the Prez did during the debates) I've done 90% of my shopping online and am for all purposes, finished. It's awesome. I would love nothing more then to contribute to my local communities by shopping at their establishments, but I just can't handle the people. Holidays make people CRAZY and DUMB.

Friday night we met up with my step-brother Matt and his girlfriend Tiffiny. To celebrate our parent's birthdays, we took them out to eat at a new bar and grill in Rochester. Good food, great atmosphere. We had a lot of fun.

Saturday, my aunt Sandra came up to make Christmas cookies with my mom and I. That was fun. This is only the second time we've been able to do this, since Sandra lived in Illinois for 30 some years. Now that they are back in Minnesota, we are trying to make it tradition. We also went shopping at the store my aunt Pam works at now. Cool place, lots of deals.

I put the tree up last night, but tonight I'll get the lights and the ornaments up. We have an artificial tree (no comment) and the minute I started unpacking it, Madison grabbed a branch and off she went. I think she may have injested something because she woke up at 4 am yacking. Who knows? it's going to be interesting to see if she leaves the Christmas decorations alone.

Madison was pretty well behaved on our holiday. She managed to do some digging in the front yard at my parents, and broke a bowl in the kitchen. Otherwise, pretty good. Last night I began my workouts (I've gained way too much weight-it's time it comes off.) in the basement with TaeBo. Madison seemed to think all the moving I was doing meant it was time to play, so she wouldn't stop barking and pulling on me the whole time. We're going to have to figure out what to do about that in the future! I take her for a walk about 4 times a week, so I'm hoping that coupled with a true workout I can lose some of this fat.

I read a really great book last week called Tender. It's a fictional account of a kid named Leroy Kirby who grew up in Tupelo, Mississippi, moves to Memphis and makes it big as a rock-n- roll star. Sound familiar? It has a zillion ties to Elvis, but you could say this is a fictional account of what could/did happen to Elvis. It made for an interesting read.

I bought the DVD Bells of St. Mary over the weekend to add to my Christmas movie selections. It's not really a Christmas movie, but they only sell it at this time of year. I love old movies and this one has Bing Crosby playing Father O'Malley, the same character he played in Going My Way, another favorite. I started watching it last night and will have to round out the others over the week. It's a Wonderful Life, Charlie Brown, Grinch, Rudolph & Frosty. This is the way I get into the Christmas spirit along with Holdiay tunes. In some ways I dislike this time of year, in others I love it. I'm sure having kids of our own will make it even better.

I'm sorry, but this photo still cracks me up.

Sorry for the lack of posts. It's been a busy few weeks and I've been in a bit of a post election funk.

In missing my doggie TJ lately, Mike sent me this email from a veterinarian with a great explanation about the lives of animals. I thought it was absolutely perfect.

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane could learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, animals already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay here as long as people do."

There have been many a day that I don't know if I would have survived without the love of my pet to get me through.

Happy Thanksgiving-we have much to be thankful for in spite of the world in front of us at this moment.

To you Mr. Bush!

I am very angry right now. It's difficult for me to do any reflecting at the moment, so perhaps at another time I can post my feelings.

I worked very hard to educate people during this campaign. It's disappointing when you lose, especially this closely. I'm not a person who gets angry after an election that I lose, usually just sad. This time I'm pissed. I'm truly scared to whether another 4 years of this nonsense.

The above photo is what I feel like doing to America right now.

VOTE!

"My owners are retarded for dressing me this way."

Our first attempt at cool pumpkin carving.

Election Day is 11 Days Away

Undecided voters, people that don't like either candidate, people voting for Bush, whoever. I ask you, for the sake of your future grandchildren, to read this article. Take a moment and think about where things are going in this country. Can we afford another 4 years of this?

Here's just a little piece from Molly Ivins column:

You probably don't remember the time he (Bush) visited the Youth Opportunity Center, a job training site in Portland, Ore. Hailed it as a model, praised the center and its staff. A month later, he cut it out of the budget.

I'm not saying Kerry is perfect. In fact, for some people, this bumper sticker I saw the other day sums it up: "Kerry sucks less then Bush." But if there are so many Republicans out there that are fed up with the direction of our country too and are now voting for Kerry (my father-in-law is one), doesn't that say something?

Until election day, I'm going to keep pounding this point home. So those of you who are sick of all my Kerry pushing & political talk, maybe it's best you don't read my blog until after November 2. Cuz it ain't gonna stop until then.

Thoughts...

Maybe it's because it's fall, or the weather is dreary, but my thoughts keep returning to my Grandma...

At the end of September, it was two years since she had passed away. It still feels like there is something missing. It was such a joy to be able to go to her place as an adult and talk about anything. We'd have snacks (donuts!) and just chat about all kinds of stuff. In the last year of her life it became more about helping her out. Getting groceries, cleaning, those kinds of things. But it's the talking I miss the most. And knowing she was just there.

At her funeral, I read a memorial that I wrote. It was important for me to do that because she had always encouraged my writing. What I wrote for the funeral wasn't much, and I wanted to write it and say much more, but what I came up with is all that I could at the moment. Getting up to read it was much harder then I ever realized. I just wanted to convey to everyone what an amazing lady she was. I wish I could be more like her. And I wanted people to stop and think about their own grandparents, parents, etc that were still around and not waste that precious time with them. I wish even now that I could be closer to my Grandpa and Grandma Webb so that I could help them out with the cleaning, appointments, food. And I wish I could be closer to my parents so that I could help them as well.

I've always been afraid of death. When my step-sister Mary was killed in a car accident when we were just 16 freaked me out. I slept on the floor in my mom's bedroom for 3 months. After that, I avoided funerals and any mention of death just scared me. My dog was getting old, I was afraid to lose her. My grandparents were aging, I didn't want to lose them. I just couldn't deal with any of it. When Grandma died, my dad suggested that I use this experience as a way to overcome this fear.

At first, it wasn't easy. That night, after she died, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. At the funeral home, I was a mess. I had not been back to that funeral home since my grandfather had died some 19 years before. I didn't want to see her lying there. But, with me sobbing, and my mom and Mike on either side of me, I went up there. She really did look nice-more like herself then she had in many months. But, it just didn't seem right. It seemed like she would sit up and start talking to us.

By the end of the evening, things were easing. One thing that always helps is humor. My cousin Cindy's son Ryan (age 8 at the time) asked his mom if he could go up and tell Grandma something. When she gave her consent, he walked over and said in a low, confidential voice, "Grandma, when Derrick (his brother) was little, he called it a Bagina." I laughed so hard. It was the most random thing in the world, but Ryan knew how much Grandma got a hoot out of the things little kids said.

What I didn't imagine was that saying goodbye at the grave site would be the hardest part. I thought if we could all just get through the funeral, things would be better. But it was that final goodbye, in the rain, with the church bells tolling that hurt the most. It was like a movie-a small country church, people gathered under umbrellas, soft crying and talking. I just remember walking up and kissing her coffin, then putting my hand on top of the stone she shared with Grandpa and thinking, goodbye.

One of the moments out of the whole entire process that stands out is the experience between my mom & dad. My grandma loved my dad-no matter what. And dad thought the world of her, as did my step-mom. Grandma didn't judge, she just took things as they were. When Dad arrived at the church and was greeting people (many he hadn't seen in years) he came to my mom. He put out his hand to Mom to shake, and then put his arm around her in a hug. That put things to right in my mind, after all these years. I appreciated the gesture, as did my mom. And I have my grandma to thank for that moment.

And so, as I said at the beginning, I'm not really sure why I felt pressed to write this today, or why I was remembering. But, we all miss Grandma still, and I know we always will.

What gets me through is thinking of the reunions she must have had when she got to where she was going.

Corrections...

In talking with the few people who do read my blog recently, I've found that my original 'tone' did not come across accurately in the political debate I engaged in with my dad. A little information...
a) Yes, my dad did fire me up, but in a good way. I don't get to debate politics very often, and I enjoyed this exchange very much.

b) I was not angry and I am not angry now. I apologize to Charlie, who I inadvertantly put in between the exchange. I meant only to thank and express my gratitude to Charlie for all that he has and continues to teach me about many things. He and Pam have always been my other mom and dad.

c) I've learned (again) that blogging is no place for family discussions about politics, religion, divorce, or any of those those 'off limits' topics that often create angst.

My apologies for those I offended or upset.

On to other things...

Mike won tickets to the Twins playoff game on Saturday. (Caller 13 on 93X) Great game, even though they lost. It's been a long time since I've been that into a good baseball game. A good time was had by all.

Yesterday, we drove up to Ham Lake to visit with Mike's cousins and to see Aunt Shirley who is in town from Florida. Madison was able to enjoy time with a new playmate-Honey the golden lab. Beautiful dog, they are also close in age and had a blast chasing each other. She was tired last night!

I'm in the midst of a Buddy Holly, Johnny Cash, Ritchie Valens music fest. I finished reading the book I just bought: A Man Named Cash. It was okay. It wasn't quite what I was expecting, but still a good read. So, that got me back to listening to my Cash stuff. Then, I started listening to this great CD called "Not Fade Away" by a bunch of artists doing Buddy's tunes. Then, I started thinking of La Bamba, and lo and behold, I caught the tale end of the movie on AMC tonight too. Plus, I've been buying up on E Bay the last few weeks some old black and whites of Holly, Waylon and Ritchie for my 50's style decorations in my bathroom. They look awesome. My goal now is to learn the song "Wishing" on my guitar, which is a tune that Buddy wrote for the Everly Brothers, but they declined. On the tribute CD, the version is so cool. We'll see if I can polish off my guitar skills enough to figure it out.

Now I'm currently reading Bleachers by John Grisham.

I'm testing out picture posting on Blogger. This is Sophie, my friend's new baby girl. 

Debating is Healthy.

I've enjoyed the healthy debate between my father & I over the last few days. It's given me time to think about things in general and in politics. I always learn something. It has led to some conclusions in my mind and sorting out other feelings in another part of mind. All those are good things.

I did get to thinking about divorce, and I wanted to post something about that.

Things are tough when parents separate. When you are young, you don't understand the reasons and what is really going on. In the last few years, my mother has answered many of those questions that inevitably start to pop up as you analyze those previous times in your life. There are no easy answers, and she is the first to say that there was no finger pointing, they were both at fault. As I've gotten to know both of my parents in a different way over the years, I've come to see them in a different light. I see their backgrounds, their personalities, and how they did the best they could with the tools they had. No one ever said being a parent was easy-and I'm the first to admit that I was not an easy kid to raise.

I appreciate my father's honesty of the situation and his response. It's no secret that we don't see eye to eye on many things. But, I also know that my dad gave me a love of music and books, writing, and sports, and those are all things that are part of my personality, and I thank him for that. Those were all important tools in growing up as well. I don't know what I gave to him, maybe I wasn't able to give anything, but for as many times as I've been angry with both my parents, I have never wished that they were someone else. I'm glad my parents are who they are and I'm thankful for what they did give me.

Moving along...

Briefly, I couldn't handle watching the VP debate for longer then 15 minutes last night. I watched the Twins game instead.

My car went kapoot yesterday. It's leaking anti-freeze, so we had to leave it at Midas while Mike took his parents van to work (they just got back from Hawaii and were staying at our house overnight) while I took his car. Things got worse from there! The guy from Midas called to say that the battery was dead in the car when they tried to start it. My brakes needed to be done, and I needed an oil change. Thankfully, some of it is under warranty, which knocks the price from $1600 down to around $500. The car has not had any major problems in the 2 1/2 years I've owned it, so I feel lucky.

I came to work at 6:45am this morning, since I had to drop Mike off at work in order to use his car. Mine should be finished shortly and I should have a nice, fixed car. Fingers crossed!

Pat sent pictures of Alissa from Homecoming. She looked amazing! So hard to believe she will be 16 in February. Cute dress, awesome shoes, and a hottie senior boyfriend! Plus, her Gwen Stefani 40's style hair was great. The little girl that said, "I'm hottttt", has grown up!

Tomorrow is our anniversary. Wow. I sure wish I could do our wedding over again. It was such a blast. We aren't sure what we'll be doing to celebrate-probably nothing more then going out to dinner on Friday night or something. We've gone on two weekend trips the first two years of our anniversary, but last year and this year we've had to forsake that due to money. We hope to go back to the Bahamas this Spring.

GO TWINS!